Family member who has been particularly irksome, spectacularly unhelpful and perpetual grumpy all Easter break requested a horse ride in the Estuary today.
We obliged of course- lovely day for it. 2 spirited nags at the ready, but the whole thing rendered less than pleasant, with nasty OFT hurrying along what should have been a nice, laid-back family ride.
There was one stellar moment though. Petulant family member mentioned above, got dumped in the river and soaked through when horse spooked at ebbing tide running at approx 4 knots against his legs . I was ridiculously pleased. How beastly of me. Even River Sprite said cheerfully to her “Got it all on the helmet go pro- splish splash splosh you went! Please may I share it with ‘Youve been framed ” I could earn £200 y’know?”
I professed great sympathy of course and much concern as she waddled back in squelching boots, legs apart like she’d just got off the loo. She complained about how her Fit Bit might be affected. I suggested a blast with a watm hairdryer on it when we got home. I then handed her a towel from within the bowels the horse trailer. Unfortunately it was streaked with horse shit on one side. Oh dearie me.
Later she complained that a present I had given her for Easter had “Gone Missing”. Why she didn’t put it in her handbag upon receipt is a mystery. Having conducted full search for it myself during which time she sat on her computer, staring ahead and tapping away. I then bought in all the recycling bin bags from driveway and proceeded to look through them ostentatiously while sitting on kitchen floor. Again she just sat and tapped away on the computer unconcerned. Extraordinary. She is a veritable legend in unhelpfulness and the most appallingly brought up child/woman imaginable. .
Much later I went to have a bath. Found it was full of dirt, grit and sand. She had taken a bath after her mishap in the Estuary. Would not have occurred to her I suppose to wash it out. Grrr.
The River Files 