Piping hot all day but fabulous, brisk breeze too . So brisk almost blown over once and heavy car door damn near slammed shut on my poor hip such were the gusts. . Felt unaccountably maudlin. Probably as cannot work, do voluntary work, ride, sail, paddle board swim or cycle. It is too horrible. Also vile hot flushes on account of having to temporarily cease HRT in pre and post op phase. Forgotten how utterly debilitating they are. Sweat sweat sweat. Felt so down that I went and saw my final resting place today. Fabled local, natural burial groud. As I approached the gate- past the compost loo sign- a huge gust of warm wind hit me full in the face – almost a portent as if to beat me back and say not yet! Not quite. Felt truly glum all day. Rest of world smiling- so happy to be in summer clothes and old misery guts here just utterly wretched on a walking stick. Truth is also suspect I am in grips of the demon drink. Had my one night per week off tonight. Seedlips non alcoholic gin and fever tree with angostura bitters (loved it – the ice the lime the glass) but such nights off are becoming a rarity.
Listened to fascinating Obsessed by Killing Eve podcast on BBC Sounds also a really interesting book on Calif Gold Rush. Oh well.. KBO I suppose and hope for better day tomorrow.
The River Files 