Author: riverfiles

With the most horrible, disinterested father in the world. We did no cards for him this year for first time ever and no cake or even meal. He was grumpy and snappy with all of us and took delight only in talking to Gardener about strinmming pouring over his family tree, bald pate shining and looking at his iPad menwhile all activities went on. Homework, violin, making elderflower cordial , bath before Pokdark. Sour old git went to bed at 9pm leaving us to watch Pokdark ourselves Judas! As Demelza would say. What a hopeless man. We did a family ride he was so freaking joyless I thought hmmmm never again….

On holiday in USA with OFT . Good luck to us both being cooped up in small room in decidedly unglam, 3 star hotel on beach front. Caught a whiff of his breath today ad he leaned over desk to rent a car. It was putrid and disgusting to a ridiculous degree. I nearly fainted

Meanwhile I was given the pip by bell hop who asked me “Spreken Ze Deutsh?” What on earth?

Do I look like a wizened Claudia Schiffer?

OFT leant back in the airport lift onto a repulsive, decaying banana skin squished between the lift button panel and the handrail on way up to T3 departures.

I secretly revelled at his consternation-  was thrilled by his discomfort and sniggered under my fringe. Stupid old, mannish beige shirt anyway. Delightful to see him recoil from the fruit and jump, flapping hands in horror and plucking at the fabric . Serves you right. Creep.

Dinner OFT and I attended tonight in popular town in Midlands was so boring I could have screamed. At one point escaped to loo simply to stuff fist into mouth . Dinner more boring than a speed awareness course. Hell on earth. participants are from Yorkshire (nowt wrong with that) but all they can talk about is how much things cost, coffee machines and why Bath should be pronounced as in caff as there is no R in it . Some are from Hull and talk about “Herm” and “Fern” I thought it was something to do with Fern Brittain who may have been commentating on Royal Wedding but suddenly realised they were saying “Phone” . Even worse, small double bed in our room so had to sleep closer to husband than would normally . Absolutely disgusting.

Re Wedding. Was rather a bad moment when Ms Markle walked up the aisle toute seule to a beautiful piece of music I did not recognise and gasped at. Old Father Thames said drily it was the music Handel – Ode to Queen Anne – played at our wedding.

About the dress . All in agreement however that dress looked like “80 quid job from Debenhams with cheap net veil thrown over and Queen Mary’s tiara plonked on top.” I am not only person 2 b underwhelmed.

Such a lovely place and had an amazing ride there 2015 when we forded river Dart, belly deep

Daedulus and Icarus set for homework last week shocked that River Sprite has to look them up on internet. So tonight is Greek myth night. 2 children pile onto bed with me and Greek myths book . OFT there too and looks annoyed and peevish at this Intrusuon not even moving along bed to accommodate 3 additionals. As we cuddle up and read, his face becomes more annoyed as he studiously ignored us and taps out messages on his Iphone . Story finished. We all get off bed he continues tapping. Not even a “goodnight ” for the children . Foul, vile pig.

So upset about Israel winning. Should have been Cyprus with Estonia a close second. Loved Est’s big dress and proper opera training.

Loved way Cyprus Lady had catchy, well-constructed, stomping song and used her waist – length, crimped mane of hair as a weapon of choice.

Israel girl, quite apart from ahem… size (sorry but it STILL matters) had the most revolting, lurid pink eye shadow – winking and smirking at the crowd . That and appalling, gimmick-song rubbish. Such a disappointment.

Extraordinarily busy weekend chauffeuring children about. What do most people my age do at weekends I often muse?

 

Hey Ho. Back to reality. Sat Tennis 10 till 11 for River Sprite.. Then to – see pony (We arrived to find grey pony turned bay-  Devon, iron rich soil – mud and copious rolling in it.) Not a good sign having been afflicted with profound itching of late.

Then called vet as deffo emergency  for anti pest mange type injection. At home weeded like hell.  Gloves,  kneeler pads etc. Great clumps of grass and huge roots. Trug fulls. Handle broke on trug as we staggered to dump it behind our fence near Sat dish. God – my back is bad these days . Clematis Montana out and pursuing course up drainpipe in gratifying fashion. 3 infant wisterias planted 3 years ago,  finally going great guns. Then- 2-5pm  sailing course 4 river Sprite and as I looked across Estuary, saw the magical sight of a moving cloud of smoke travelling through the trees. A steam train.!

Boat hired – Drascombe Lugger. Old Father Thames and 1  and one other – all 3 in shorts. Brr. Really brrr! Fingers turning white .   Phrase “Cast not a clout till  May is out ”  springs to mind .

More on Toad creep and shameful slink off  later.

Daily whinge: Bottle bank has been full for a week. So annoying. Scanned its bar code yesterday and reported it but nada. Carrier bags of bottles piling up beside. A disgusting spectacle.

Own bottles are now (mostly) alcohol free. Have made amazing discovery in Sauvignon blanc without and even a 5 per cent Fizz.

Just the job after hard day at work …

Disconcerting experience at vets today. Was buying anti flea and worm for cat when man strode in with cutest lamb imaginable tucked under his arm….

“Ahhhhh.. what breed of sheep?”

“Er… It’s a goat”

Barely imperceptible snigger from the one other lady in waiting area.

“Silly me” I said “And to think I grew up on a farm”

Goat man looked mildly bemused.

“Mind you, it was arable ”

Pause. Me. “What is the kid in here for?”

He looked… there’s other word for it …sheepish.

“Not very nice to say but having the horns removed”

Apparently as they are or will be milking goats, makes the “whole thing easier”

I winced turned away and set about paying the bill. Thing is, there was suddenly a piteous bleating from behind one of the doors down the coridoor. Chilling. Shrill, distressed cries – impossible to ignore. I wanted to back out quickly through the glass doors and scurry to car.

Reception girl intermibably slow.

“And would you like a printed copy of your receipt?”

Silence. Just the printer regurgitating my account. Phew. Then just as about to walk out, it started again. Presumably vet had turned his/her attentions to horn number 2.

I escaped, quite shaken up. for half an hour or so.

Irritating things today: shocked to see local post office shut. I LOVED it. Not just the postal counter where there was rarely a queue but the lovely postcards and stationery and notice board and home made fudge and cans of coke.

Seems like I only used it recently but come to think of it might have been before Christmas or possibly late Autumn. A terrible loss to the Community. In the short time I have lived by the river we have lost:

Village Shops= 1

Post Offices= 2

Meanwhile Old Father Thames is away for a night. What BLISS. If only it was always like this. No body swerves and awkward silences in the kitchen as we pad about getting our respective suppers. No feeling livid that he’s watching Tv when I want to sit in there on my own. None of his stupid non- alcoholic beer and stinky fish and Mitch Tonks pretentious book, over which he Labour’s over lovingly for hours on end.

Basically it would be so nice if he was away a lot (sleep so much better when he’s not here – his stupid ipad alarm that seems to go off progressively earlier since the light mornings)- only we still got the money

There. I’ve said it.

A colleague has the most amazingly infectious, rich laugh. A joy to hear. Can hear her a closed door now. Just marvellous. Always makes me smile. Worth coming to work just for that.