Author: riverfiles

Real nasty turn today. Accidentally locked in loo of our holiday cott. Locked in downstairs bathroom. No one around. No window. Zero signal. Tried 999 but no signal. 15 per cent battery. “Please connect charger” flashes out at me. Calm for about 20 mins.then Started shouting. Banging on door. To whom?. Had to dig deep…. think like a girlguide/army officer. What was available?

1)loo roll

2)plastic loo.brush

3)The other end of the faulty door handle that had come off in my hand.

4)My stud earrings

5)My clothes and rubber welly goloshes.

5b) My phone with collapsing reading glasses tucked in back of case

6)My teeth

In desperation walked round and lay on floor and stood up and stretched to ceiling waving my phone desperate for a signal. Just one teeny weeny bar?

Eventually noticed small drawer under sink. Pulled open to reveal a small fixing pack for a mirror or other object.

2 rawl plugs

2 screws

1 allen key l shaped thing

But the greatest of these boons? The collapsible reading glasses!.

Managed to insert screws into wooden hole and after 25 mins careful wiggling, bring bar out and them “clunk”- heard door handle on other side fall to floor and with one pill.of locking bar I was free….

Old Father Thames and I have had a serious falling out this Spring tide. Just after celebrating a 17th wedding anniv – Cards with messages of devotion (me to him) Floris soaps – (him to me in lieu of forgetting to get a card) it feels like It may be crashing down. How do marriages get like that? Silences; prolonged sulks -. passing each other like ships in the night and body swerving about the kitchen island..only speaking to one another in front of Guests that kind of thing …only tonight I felt he had stooped to a new low. He has refused to eat anything I have prepared (and I do – every night – for just about a month but tonight invited our Nanny to sit down and same scallops dipped in root ginger and dill, with him.

A line has been crossed.

In the Academy looking at Charles I. Amazing not least that so very many of these sumptuous treasures are on loan from The Queen . Liked the Equestrian portraits of the late 1630s best. The vast canvas of the magnificent dun with the long, curly mane best of all. I note the King has a poor seat. Stirrups way too long (perhaps there was no rising trot in those days probably because no tarmac road and one could canter everywhere ) and legs thrust too forward no ear/hip /heel line there but perhaps that was the style of the time.

The children liked the pictures of women holding decapitated heads aloft by the long, curly hair and were appalled by the Reubens with the leopard, satyr and woman squirting milk from her breast into a baby’s mouth .

The other most amazing thing about the exhibition was the complete and utter decrepitude of the vast majority of viewers. Quite staggering.

People in wheelchairs with wads of tissues wedged in their mouths, walking frames aplenty.  One person trailing along a drip stand.   People hobbling at less than snails pace with kyphotic spines and built-up shoes.   Well done them for getting there but damn tricky to negotiate in a darkened, crowded gallery

Oh after the culture and not forgetting reaching for the gun…. at work yesterday was asking a fine young girl how she hurt her hip. A trip and slip at work perhaps?

“No I was running with my machine gun”

Who are you, Lara Croft?!

“No. I am in the Navy:

Both Schools cancelled for tomorrow due to Snow. Disgusting. Have had 2 send Boss pic of lane outside house saying longing NOT to miss work tomorrow but …slippery 20 per cent hill and ice. What is somebody trying to prove?

Old Father Thames is blaming the Russians. Siberian Beast from East and all.

Sometimes it’s almost worth losing something for the incalculable joy in finding it again.

On Oct 11th 2017 lost my Shu uemura make up brush..the socket blending one, an old faithful of make up bag for many a year. I KNEW it had not gone out of the car but despite a car vac or two and searching with torch in every crevice it was never seen again until ….today when I adjusted the driver seat position in the car and hey Presto! There it was in the away runner slider thing.. So THRILLED. Reunited with dear old friend….

Dinner last night on miserable rainy evening that was v lively and delicious food. Asked in advance by email, “Do you eat shellfish ?”

Replied prawns/crab/lobster ok but ,”No mussels thanks and once had a night of the long knives after scallops”

Embarrassed to find I was served a separate starter – lovely bowl of steaming soup – everyone else tackling clattering heaps of mussels.

The man on my right was nice but hard work. Had to repeat everything I said at least 3 times. Like wading through mud after a bit.

The dispiriting process of saying something clearly and ever so slightly louder than normally would and realising from the faintly bewildered expression that yet again, he had not heard.

The whole evening was a series of, “Sorry say again?”

and

“Could you repeat? you’ve got my bad ear I am afraid”

Exhausting. Beastly of me as may well struggle with impaired hearing myself one day. Was reminded of Victor Meldrew similarly infuriated by  hard- of- hearing Guest. VM recorded everything he said on a dictaphone and simply thrust it forward and played it back each time the guest cupped his ear and said “What was that?”

Our hostess on excellent form and looking gorgeous in a pale pink cashmere sweater. There was some talk of Timeshares – how someone had just bailed out of one of the ‘”In perpetuity” type ( £5,000 penalty but worth it the properties were never available for the required dates) and the difficulty of getting a good cleaner in the area. The hostess reported a most heinous crime recently committed by hers. There were gasps of horror from the table as she gave details of the misdemeanour.

 

No – she had not been discovered trying on clothes or stealing something.

Far more serious.

“She has photographed my Meet Card”

How on earth had this been discovered?

“She inadvertently sent it to me, in a text”

Brilliant M Day lunch cooked and organised by Old Father Thames who surpassed himself. I was brought no less that 3 cups of his fabulous, early morning coffee….oh the Precious Liquid! Served in Emma Bridgwater cups . A robin maybe or a yellow lab….charging across the crockery. Then opening the window to hear river rushing by and snuggling for into bed with my latest toy – a Yuyu hot water bottle. Like a purple snake it us which runs whole length of body . Utter heaven.

Talking of the river. A horrible thing happened on the weekend. Strangers knocked at our door and reported lost dog had been swept down river.how horrible. It was found later not that far away , lifeless and jammed into a branch. How beastly.

Old Father Thames unspeakably dour, sour- faced and foul to all last 2 days. Refusing to speak. I had dinner tonight listening to my audible talking books- so isolated felt I in same room and across same table as the vile one, who barely cast a look in my direction all evening Scowling/glowering if not snarling . Truth is OFT also physically hideous when grumpy. Slobbing about in Fat Face top distended over his repulsive paunch- jeans ridiculously low slung low solely because of above mentioned blubbery stomach. He bends over at every possible opportunity and reveals revolting white skin, bumcrack, freckles on exposed flesh etc…urgh. I think we all long to say “Hitch yer jeans up you gimp!” But no one dares, so sour, so petulant is he….

I long for an amnesty and to be permitted to place well aimed, very hard kick at his bum. Want to see him fall forward on the patio rocking to and fro on bloated paunch, flailing cursing and arm waving. Just once…just the once. Promise.

Could not quite put finger on his malaise? Was it because the dog absconded again? New robotic lawnmower he swore by gone phut already? (2 weeks post purchasr).

No – tonight having puzzled day or so I understand finally . We have exceeded data allowance on our ee Wi-Fi package thingy. We have 2 miserable days on dial up speed internet. Like being hobbled. That’s it. All understood at last. We have list our warp speed internet.

Love those little hooks men sometimes have on back is their shirts. Was working with a chap today sitting in front of me and I had to stand up. Such a longing to pick him by the little hook and hang him on ‘the wall by it .

The very worst thing that can happen to an organ donor – and this fam member was – is when your organs cannot be used.

This fam member had all recipients lined up in waiting end of last week and fam memb put onto life support in prep for organ donation …. but heart did not stop beating in required/recommended time after life support system switched off. Organs could not be donated after all.